More than the Stars
by NiraKaulitz
Summary: She was the Sun and he was Mercury, forever revolving around her, forever held in place by her gravitational pull. It was too much to hope for that they might someday crash together. His entire solar system would implode if they did. (ColexLavellan)
1. Sun

**A/N- Wow, where do I start explaining what this is all about? Okay, so I've ****played through DA:I about three times and I eventually came to the realization that everything about the game is pretty perfect to me except for three major issues: 1. The ending was a bit anticlimactic 2. Where the hell is Sandal? I did not spend all these years waiting for a game without Sandal in it. 3. (my biggest issue with it) Cole didn't get a romance. I've read their explanations and I know many people say he's too much of a child to fall in love and it feels wrong, but I want to emphasize here in this author's note that COLE IS NOT A CHILD. He's basically the equivalent of a foreigner in a new land so you have to explain the traditions and what not to them, but they are not children. I wrote this 11 chapter fic to give Cole the romance he never got to have and I will be updating most likely every two or three days and I'm going to promise to you right now that this story has a happy ending. If you for some reason hate happy endings, this might not be for you. With that being said, I really appreciate reviews and I love Cole more than life itself okay feel free to read on~**

**Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.**

**Chapter One: Sun**

**Chapter Track: Sun -Sleeping at Last**

It hurt, the first time he saw her. It hurt so much.

Cole didn't like that. He didn't like pain, didn't like feeling it in others, and it was surprisingly worse when he was feeling it himself. When he'd found his way into her mind, his only intention had been to help her. Now it seemed as if _he _might be the one who needed aid.

He watched her as she confronted the Envy demon and continued to watch in silence as it malevolently slit the throat of some blond, weathered-looking man she apparently knew. She had already realized that this was not real, and yet he could see that it upset her. He monitored her thoughts, trying to understand, only to be faced with one astoundingly adamant phrase.

_This can never happen. I won't let it._

She shuddered, her pale blue eyes falling shut for the slightest fraction of a second, and then she was glaring. The hurt was gone, the fear was gone. He tasted anger.

He realized then that he didn't like looking at her. The more he looked the more he hurt and he didn't even know why. Something about her brought up a word in his mind, a word he had only ever used to describe one other person.

Beautiful. She was beautiful. Evangeline had also been beautiful, but this was different. Cole was no judge of appearances, he could not understand how people put value in the shape of a nose or the symmetry of a face, but he could see people from within. He could tell when someone was kind, when someone was hateful, lustful. When he looked at her, however, he saw no trace of darkness. She was pure.

And that _glow_. She was glowing so brightly that it was difficult to quite make her out.

The demon continued to prod at her for a few moments longer, first becoming another figure and then becoming _her. _Cole knew what its goal was, what it intended to gain by tramping about in her mind like this. She did too. Despite her certainty, however, he saw the glimmer of fear in her eyes as a fade-copy of her fell down at her feet and she realized that she was holding the knife that had killed it. That wasn't good. Fear meant that Envy was finding its way in.

Envy left her then, content to just observe and learn as she lost herself in her own mind, trapped within by her own fears as it took her face. Took her light. Cole had never spoken to this small, elven girl before but he was suddenly certain that the fire he saw in her was something that should not be snuffed out. It was rare and he might never find it again.

Luckily for both of them, Cole knew the Envy demon. He had flitted around the replica Lord Seeker's fortress long enough to understand what its goals were, what it wanted to do to the Templars. They didn't deserve it. It was true that they made the wrong choices sometimes, reacted to situations too rashly, but that was because they were afraid. Many Templars did not aim to hurt anyone.

The girl, the one the demon had referred to as "the Herald", walked with a confidence that belied the swirl of emotions she was experiencing within. She was calm as she witnessed a slew of her own worst memories, more than a little angry when confronted with visions of what the demon had planned for the Inquisition. She made her worries, her dislikes, her preferences much too evident. She wasn't going to get through this, not on her own. He had to do something, his soft words spoken against the demon's own were not enough. When she at last wandered into a part of the dream in which they were not being watched, he slammed the door behind her and revealed himself.

"Wait." he said. It was enough. She rounded on him, a petulant expression on her face, but it melted away when their eyes met.

It hurt. Looking at her hurt him like nothing else ever had. When he could stand it no more, he made himself fade away. Fading away was something he was good at.

"Envy is hurting you. Mirrors on mirrors on memories; a face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You, not envy."

He expected that his words would confuse her. Most people he spoke to were confused at first, and there was no reason to think that she'd be different. But she was. Of course she was.

"Who are you?" she asked, and he found that her voice hurt him too, "I've met you before, somewhere."

It was easier to look at her when he wasn't meeting her gaze, so Cole stared at the strange markings on her freckled skin instead, the lines a light blue in color that almost matched her eyes. Her expression shifted as he spoke and he saw that she was...not suspicious. Not worried. Most of the time he had to speak to someone for a while to lay their pains to rest, but hers seemed to have disappeared merely upon seeing him.

"I'm Cole."

He tried to explain it to her, tried to tell her how Envy was manipulating her thoughts and feelings and it only made her more confused. She hadn't questioned his presence, hadn't doubted his words, but something else was bothering her. The elf cocked her head and he thought he understood.

"The least I could ask," she said slowly, the barest hint of a grin creeping up on her lips, "Is that things make sense inside my own head."

And Cole laughed. It caught him by surprise, that split-second of laughter; He hadn't let out so much as a chuckle since Rhys had thought him a monster. Who was she, that she could make spirits smile, that she could lead and others would follow? This Herald was an anomaly.

"It never works like that." Cole answered her, and it was decided. For the first time in a long time, Cole didn't want only to help. He wanted to protect. He was startled by how much stronger that change in purpose was.


	2. Mercury

**A/N- I know I said I would update like every 3 days but the first chapter felt kinda insubstantial by itself Dx so here! I hope you guys enjoy. Also a few things I should mention: every chapter is titled after a song from Atlas:Space by Sleeping at Last, some companions and events from the DA:I storyline don't get many mentions because this is from Cole's third person POV and he really seems to have a one track mind. Thank you for the reviews Lacy and Scarlet, I love you guyss.**

****Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.****

**Chapter Two: Mercury**

**Chapter Track: Mercury -Sleeping at Last**

There were a great many qualities one could ascribe to the Herald, but the one repeated most commonly was 'childish'. She was childish. To be fair, at the age of eighteen she had good reason to be. No great tragedy had ever befallen Sindarel Lavellan until that explosion at the conclave and she had counted on remaining childlike for the remainder of her years. She didn't like the mark on her hand, didn't see it as a gift, and she wasn't happy when those around her referred to her as the Herald of Andraste. Despite the fact that her clan believed in Andraste along with their own gods, despite the fact that she believed in the Maker herself, she was highly doubtful of her own role in the whole ordeal. It was rather disconcerting when she was forced into a leadership position because she had never aspired to greatness. Fortunately, like many who find themselves in similar situations, she discovered that she bore the mantle well.

The other members of the Inquisition learned very quickly that although she was naive and idealistic, she drew others to her like a magnet. Doubtful nobles and suspicious mages alike had only to meet with her once before they decided that her cause was one worth supporting. She was, Varric once said, akin to a ray of sunlight on a cold, cloudy day. Anyone would want to be around that warmth. Anyone would go to great lengths to bask in that light once again.

Cole was no different. He had once been a spirit of Compassion and, as such, he found himself drawn to compassionate people. Luckily, most of Sindarel's friends were compassionate people. Varric was the one he felt happiest with, although Solas probably understood him better. Iron Bull and Leliana seemed to like him a fair amount as well and even Cassandra found it in her heart to read chapters of _Swords and Shields_ to him in her spare time. The only people who outwardly seemed to disapprove of his presence were Sera and Grand Enchanter Vivienne, so Cole made sure to stay out of their way as much as possible. Blackwall maintained a neutrality towards him throughout; Cole still wasn't sure if he should view the man as an ally or not.

Sindarel wanted him around more than any of the others did. Cole didn't know why, didn't understand it, but even so it made him exceedingly happy to watch her go against the desires of the majority of her friends and advisors to argue against making him leave. Perhaps he didn't need to understand. She was too bright, like counting birds against the sun. People like that were usually more open, more accepting than the others. She'd once asked what he saw in her and he'd told her exactly the same thing. She laughed. Sindarel liked to laugh a lot.

On one particularly snowy day, about a week after he'd found her at Therinfal Redoubt, she'd asked him to join her "for a bit of fun". Cole didn't understand fun very well. His sole purpose in the world had been to _help_ ever since he'd followed those Templars away from Rhys and Evangeline, and this hadn't changed upon his joining the Inquisition. He went out of his way to put honey in Leliana's tea. He'd often move Cullen's emergency lyrium around his room just to help him resist temptation to use it again. What was the point of fun when so many people needed him?

Still, he found that when Sindarel asked him for something he could not refuse.

"I don't understand," he began as he followed her towards the tavern, "Why do we throw the snow?"

"Because it annoys people, Cole."

"That doesn't sound good."

The Herald smiled widely at him and then turned her gaze back towards the the path they followed. She hadn't answered his question, but Cole knew by then that this smile was an answer all on its own. An answer he couldn't yet comprehend.

Haven was beautiful, not in appearance but in the mix of emotions Cole felt when he was there. The people were afraid, were paralyzed by it at times, but even so they all had faith. Faith was particularly new to him. In the White Spire, the Templars had often been too corrupted to remember it and the mages were too broken to feel it.

Sera was waiting for them outside the tavern, and Sindarel explained that this was because the whole thing had been her idea in the first place. The blonde archer was grinning when she spotted the Herald, but that grin was gone as soon as Cole made his presence known. He'd always been a little afraid of her and the waves of fury he felt rolling off of her then didn't help.

"What's that _thing _doing here, then?" she snarled, glaring at him. He moved slightly behind Sindarel just to try and keep out of the archer's line of sight.

"He's coming with us." the elven warrior answered, her voice a warning. Sera was never particularly good at heeding warnings.

"I'm not going if it is."

It was quiet for a moment and Cole tried to read the Herald's emotions, tried to see whether he should excuse himself before things got more tense. She had told him a while back that she didn't mind him sifting through her thoughts but he found that it was difficult to do so anyway. It hurt him, just like looking at her face or hearing her voice.

Sera narrowed her eyes at Sindarel but she expressed no such resentment in return. There was no expression on her face as she spoke.

"Then stay. Let's go, Cole."

She turned her back on Sera and Cole felt that it bothered her to do that almost as much as it bothered Sera to be rejected. The Herald loved most of her friends a great deal, but she didn't _like_ the archer very much in that moment. She felt betrayed. Cole followed Sindarel up onto a rocky ledge above the eastern side of the village and she promptly flopped down, her thin legs dangling just over the edge. She was smiling at him but it wasn't real.

"Worried, weary, _why is that idiot so stubborn? She doesn't even know him_."

The Herald's smile was a more earnest one then. She patted the ledge beside her and Cole sat down.

"Sorry. I just don't understand how she can be so blind."

Sindarel stuck a hand into the snow at her side, shivering when her fingers slipped beneath that first layer of cold. Cole watched in silence as she molded the snow in her palm into the shape of a ball, but eventually he could not hold his tongue anymore.

"You shouldn't be fighting for me." he muttered, despising the words he spoke, "You love Sera. It's okay if she hates me."

Her fingers froze and she looked up at him with a hint of sorrow in her eyes.

"No, Cole. It's not."

She didn't explain any more than that and Cole decided to be content with what she gave him. Sindarel took his hand then and showed him how to turn the snow into the same shapes she had. He tried to pay attention to everything at once, the white brightness of the snow, the sweet-smelling tangles of her chestnut brown hair, but it was difficult.

"Leander showed me how to do this," she said as she helped him. She spoke of her brother and her clan often and he knew how she missed them.

Sindarel then picked one of the snowballs up and thrusted it with all her strength at Threnn, the quartermaster. The snow blew apart upon impact and Threnn let out a furious howl before whirling around to find the culprit just as Sindarel grabbed Cole by the arm and forced him to lay down flat upon the frosty ground. The people below had noticed Threnn's displeasure and were alert and a little frightened then, but Cole didn't notice them. Sindarel's face was so close to his that he could sense her breath on his cheek, could practically feel the smirk on her lips. She didn't like Threnn, didn't approve of her bitterness and the way she hated King Alistair, and was quite smug in that moment. Her joy drowned out the other voices in his head.

Despite the pain he knew it would make him feel he allowed himself to see at her then, to really look at her the way he'd wanted to since he'd first met her. Her skin was smooth and soft, light in color and freckled by the sun; the cold had reddened her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Her mouth was always smiling. Cole watched as she puckered her lips in an effort to quiet the laughter that threatened to reveal their location. Her eyelashes and brows were darker in color than her shoulder length hair, and the swirl of Dalish markings on her forehead and chin only served to define both. His heart picked up its pace and as he stared and he felt the hurt again, but he didn't understand that. It wasn't important. She was happy with him and _that _was what was important.

"Alright then, it's your turn!" she exclaimed when Threnn had given up on searching for them. Cole would have never agreed to pelting people with snowballs before, would have never even thought of it, but he knew he'd do it then. He'd do whatever she wanted him to.


	3. Venus

**A/N- I'm overwhelmed by your reviews, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! Spatix and Nezumi, you've made some great points that I absolutely agree with. To that one questioning guest, yes in the beginning of the game Sera refers to Cole as an "it" multiple times and suggests he get away from her. Don't worry, their relationship improves later. And to that one reviewer who claims to be Sandal, I love you. Thanks for sticking with me so far, I hope you enjoy this chapter too.**

****Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.****

**Chapter Three: Venus**

**Chapter Track: Venus -Sleeping at Last**

Solas was kind, calm, and the things he said made more sense than what anyone else in the Inquisition told him. Varric was caring and patient, but he tried to teach Cole different things. He'd asked about it once but Varric just shook his head and told him that he had a chance to become a person, if he wanted it. Cole didn't think he did. Perhaps it was fun at times, but he knew that humans could feel hurt in ways he never had.

"Solas?"

"Yes?"

The elven mage put down the book he'd been perusing and focused on the boy in front of him. He'd taken over the small shack beside Adan's in the weeks since the Inquisition had started, and Cole often found himself wandering over there for answers. In a few days time the Templar veterans would arrive from Therinfal Redoubt and Sindarel would finally close the breach for good. Things were easy, safe even for the time being.

"What is love?"

Solas seemed to visibly choke for a second before fixing Cole with a bemused look. He wasn't sure why his question had garnered such a violent reaction.

"Why are you asking that question?"

Cole glanced up at the ceiling to gather his thoughts, which was so much more difficult than gathering the thoughts of others, and found that his view was simply obstructed by the brim of his hat.

"Happy, heady, he smiles at her and she can't help but smile back. _I love you._" Cole allowed the words to slip easily from his memory into his mouth, "A scout speaking to a warrior. It was the most I'd ever felt."

The corners of Solas's lips curled upwards into a grin and he nodded in understanding.

"Perhaps you should ask this of Varric. I'm no expert when it comes to love."

The blond boy stared openly at the concerned mage, but the latter said nothing more. By the time Cole looked away Solas had picked up his book and resumed where he'd left off. He was thinking heavy thoughts, pausing on parts that related to the elven Gods. He didn't need help, not then, so Cole decided to take his advice and seek out the dwarf.

"Wait." Solas called out suddenly as he pushed the door open. Cole did as instructed and glanced back at his friend.

"Have you ever felt love, Cole? Your own, not just the emotion emanating from someone else?"

"No." he answered immediately, but then an image of Sindarel entered his mind. She was laughing with her head thrown back, her eyes shut tightly, and his feelings in that moment were familiar. He was unsure.

"Maybe. Less than love but I like some people. I like you, Solas."

Solas was smiling again at his words and Cole knew he'd given the right answer. The elf offered only one word in response. _Interesting, _he'd said. Cole thought about it, trying to understand what it meant as he left. Solas's mind had provided him with no answers.

Varric and Iron Bull were gathered around a small campfire, swapping tales and playing Wicked Grace. Varric had invited him to play the card game a few times as well, but Cole didn't understand it and Varric found that he wasn't easy to teach.

"Hey, kid," his friend greeted him as he came to a stop beside them. Cole nodded at him once to be polite and then went on with his question.

"Varric, what is love?"

At his words, Varric dropped two of his cards by accident and Iron Bull burst into raucous laughter. The former hurried to pick up his cards and Cole felt that he was in a state of shock.

"Solas said you could explain," he kept on, raising his voice so it could be heard over Iron Bull. The dwarf ran a hand across his forehead, put his cards down on the makeshift log-bench beside him, and gestured for Cole to sit down too. He, of course, obliged.

"I knew this day would come," Iron Bull said dramatically, "I just didn't think it'd be so soon. So what happened? Did one of the serving girls smile at you?"

"They don't see me, the Iron Bull."

"Then what happened?" Varric joined in. Cole read his mind, tasted his thoughts, and felt worry. Something about what Cole had said worried his friend, and that wasn't what he'd wanted.

"Rhys loved Adrian, and then he didn't. He loved Evangeline. The scout loved the warrior and he loved her back. I feel it but I don't understand."

Varric's expression lit up a bit at that, but Iron Bull seemed quite disheartened in contrast. Cole focused on him and found that he _wanted _the boy to find someone to _fool around with_. Whatever that meant was not specified.

"Well that's disappointing. Look, Varric, I'll come back later. I think this might take a while."

Iron Bull took his leave and Varric wasted no time picking up the Qunari's cards and frowning at them.

"He was bluffing. Figures." he tossed them back down and then turned his gaze on his young ward, "So...love, huh?"

Cole said nothing, continued to stare, but Varric knew him well enough by then to decipher the meaning behind it. He let out a deep sigh before he spoke.

"Look, kid, it's sort of impossible to explain. People can have friends, can have family and they love them, but I don't think that's the kind of love you're asking about. Sometimes, you meet someone and they stick in your mind like no one else. You want them happy, but you want them with you. They look at you and you get hurt, but you don't know why. It's a mess."

"Why would anyone want that?" Cole asked the dwarf, his bright blue eyes widening out of shock. It made no sense to think that someone would purposely inflict that pain upon themselves. He'd felt that before in others, felt heartbreak, but it had never been anything more than another pearl he needed to shake loose. Not until now. Varric noted the way the boy's voice trembled with sadness and his thoughts turned away from somebody named Bianca and towards Cole's feelings, Cole's future. He was so caring.

"It doesn't matter if you want it or not, it just happens. Trust me, it's not so bad when it's you. Well, not usually."

It still didn't make sense but to him, little did. He resolved himself to ask Varric for a story to drown out the concerns in both of their minds when his friend spoke again.

"You know, you don't disappear so much anymore. Why's that?"

He was right, but Cole hadn't really realized it himself up until that moment. Even though he knew the reasoning behind it, it wasn't something he'd consciously worked on

"Sindarel doesn't like it. She's afraid I won't come back, eventually."

"Is she right to be afraid?"

The question caught the boy off guard, but then he heard the hum of Varric considering it for himself. He didn't want Cole to disappear either.

"No. I wouldn't leave if it made her sad. I want to help."

It was the truth and it comforted Varric. He gave Cole a familiar look, that one that said _I'm proud of you, kid_. He liked when Varric gave him that look.

"Varric, what does the Iron Bull mean when he says I need to get _laid_?"

"What?! Oh, _for the love of_-"


	4. Earth

**A/N-My thanks to Scarlet, that Sandal person, and LilithiaRW for taking the time to review; Nezumi, you should feel special! and I wanna squeeze him too ugh he's too good to be true. To the first guest, my Lavellan is actually a two-handed warrior, that'll come up later, and to Shadre, haha some of it actually was planned but mostly it was luck. I should also mention that this is the first chapter in which we see the actual extent of Cole's feelings for Lavellan so I hope I did it justice. As always, thanks for reading and please review :) **

**Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.**

**Chapter Four: Earth**

**Chapter Track: Earth -Sleeping at Last**

Sindarel was gone. She was gone and Cole felt so afraid. Why had she volunteered to stay behind as everyone else escaped? Why had no one asked him his opinion? He would have argued against it, talked her out of it, or at least convinced her that he should go with her. She had faced Corypheus and fired the trebuchet that brought an avalanche down on Haven before he had realized she was not among the people marching through the bitter snow away from their old homes. He told himself that he was an idiot, so blinded by his need to help others that he'd forgotten to look for _her_, the one who should have mattered most.

"_We have to go back_!" he yelled, the angriest he'd ever been. In that moment he could scarcely recall the rage that had led to him killing Seeker Lambert so many months ago. Cullen looked at him with a rather weary expression on his face and shook his head. No.

"There's nothing to go back to. If she truly is the Herald of Andraste, she'll find her way to us. Just hold onto faith."

Cole wanted to punch him, wanted to hurt instead of heal, and Iron Bull saw and stayed his hand. He twisted Cole's arms behind his back but he could not stop the flow of vitriol that spilled from the boy's lips.

"She's your _friend_! She _needs _us, we need to help her!"

Cullen looked quite pained by this, but he still said nothing. Cole hated that nothing almost as much as he hated the fact that he'd left Sindarel behind to fend for herself. He was too furious, too scared to feel that Cullen was worried for their friend almost as much as he was. Iron Bull had realized, however, and pulled the boy away from the rest of the steadily-moving group to calm him down.

"Yelling at him won't help. You need to _think_ about what you're doing."

"Thinking, thoughtless, thankless, they put her in chains and tell her the breach was her fault. She tried to help and they _still left her behind_!"

His voice was nearly a screech as he reached the end of the thought, and he knew that this time it was his. Iron Bull let out a melancholy sort of sigh and called for Solas. The elf moved away from the mustachioed stranger he'd been talking to and began to speak with the Qunari instead. Cole was not listening to their discussion but he caught snippets of it here and there nonetheless.

"...can't calm him down."

"Letting go of him might be a good start."

"...don't understand...if she doesn't come back-"

"...doubt won't help him. But maybe I can."

Iron Bull released him without a warning then and he fell to the frosty ground, arms limp at his sides. Cole's anger was gone and it had burned away every other emotion with it. He was helpless, lost, and fighting the Inquisition hadn't gotten him anywhere. He couldn't protect her.

"Cole, focus on me. Listen to my voice."

The boy looked up, blue eyes peering into gray, but there was no life in him. He tasted that the sight worried his friends and he still made no attempts to change.

"You can read the minds of others, can sense their presence without looking. Search for her Cole. You'll find her."

It was hard to find the strength to do what Solas was asking him to, but Cole struggled and battled and at last he could feel it. He could feel _her._ He wasn't sure where, wasn't sure what she was thinking, but she was alive. And very far. He could feel her coming nearer with every step.

"She's okay," he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else, "She's okay."

"She is?" Iron Bull asked, and he sounded amazed. Relieved, deliriously happy, but amazed.

"Yes. And she's coming closer."

Iron Bull's hands shook as he rubbed the back of his head and Cole realized for the first time how important she was to them all. It wasn't just him that had been frightened.

"Someone needs to tell Cullen." the Qunari said softly, and he left them. Solas fastened his staff to his back and offered Cole a hand to help him stand up. He was back on his feet without realizing it, but then again he wasn't noticing much anymore. His thoughts were with Sindarel as she struggled against..._something_. That part wasn't very clear. He was still a little scared but he felt hopeful. He had never attempted to find someone's mind from this great a distance, however, and was worried about how tenuous the connection might be.

"Let's keep moving." Solas told him, and he nodded silently. Together they rejoined the throng and trooped along, both lost in their own thoughts, until they reached a dip in the mountains. The rocky walls rose up in such a way that they blocked the blizzard from blowing through. Solas told him they were stopping and he sat right down where he was, ignoring the people who walked around him, glaring as they went. They'd forget him eventually. They always did.

When she was close enough he stood up and wandered out of the canyon, well-aware of the fact that Solas was watching him, but uncaring. He could just barely make her out through the snow as she collapsed to her knees. Cole gathered her up in his arms, as light as a feather, and she wrapped her right arm around his neck, wound shaking fingers through his hair.

_I knew you'd find me_, she thought and he marveled that she was actively speaking to him through their mental connection. He supposed she had to, as worn out as she was. There'd be trouble if he didn't get her within two feet of a fire, fast.

When they returned to the camp there was an uproar and someone pulled her out of his clutches and onto a cot. She was separated from him, torn away, but his mind was still connected to hers. She was falling asleep despite the noise around her and she was still thinking of him. That realization made him feel a warm, heady rush that had nothing to do with the flickering flames he was standing beside. It was familiar, but not. Almost as if he'd been feeling it through a haze of something else before. He didn't like knowing that, didn't like what it entailed.

It was then that he felt his whole world shift.


	5. Moon

**A/N- As per usual, thank you to all my reviewers and everyone else who's read this. McLean I'm currently on a break from more serious writing ;-; but I'll get back to it soon I promise. And Merry Christmas~ I hope you've all enjoyed your day!**

**Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.**

**Chapter Five: Moon**

**Chapter Track: Moon -Sleeping at Last**

"The Iron Bull."

"Bull? Really?"

"He's gray."

"He's not a thing, Cole, you're supposed to guess the _thing _I'm thinking of."

The boy kicked at the bedside table he was seated on again and continued to stare at the Inquisitor in a way that most would find disconcerting. That's who Sindarel had become. The _Inquisitor_. The healer had ordered that she stay in bed for at least a week after their long trek to reach Skyhold, but Cassandra had still helped her up to the mouth of the main hall just to present her with that title. She was confined to her room afterwards, but that was okay. Her friends hadn't let her be alone.

"What do the lines mean?" Cole asked then, reaching out to run a gentle finger across the markings on her forehead. Sindarel let out an annoyed sort of huff and broke her gaze away from his. That pressure he felt in his lungs whenever she looked at him was suddenly lifted. Odd.

"You're changing the subject."

"I am?"

"Yes. And you've asked me this before."

She was looking at him again, but he was too confused by her words to register that.

"I haven't."

The Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, _Sindarel Lavellan _shifted until she was sitting up in her bed and reached out to him. He moved his hand away from her face and intertwined their fingers, noting the way the sunlight in the room revealed the contrast in their skin tones. He was too pale, too thin, too tall and gawky, and she was almost his exact opposite. Why did she even want him around?

"You really don't remember how we met." she said softly, and she was looking at their hands too, "Strange."

"Yes I do!" the boy protested, "In your head, but in the real world too. Envy wanted to _be _you, but you were too bare, bright, beautiful to beat. I had to help."

She chuckled and he wondered what he'd said to cause that. Sindarel didn't drop his hand as she revealed to him a truth long forgotten, a truth that had hurt too much for him to continue carrying it.

"Don't you remember what I first said to you that day?"

The boy paused for just a second, but it wasn't necessary. Even if he'd forgotten, she hadn't, and he could merely repeat the memory from her thoughts.

"_Who are you? I've met you before, somewhere._"

"Exactly. I was right, I just couldn't put my finger on it right then."

"Then where…?"

He tried to recall it then, tried to imagine seeing her in some other place, but that wasn't possible. There was no way he would forget someone like her. Even now he had trouble keeping his thoughts off of her for a second.

She silently unwound her hand from around his and held it out in front of her. It was the marked hand, the one that always glowed faintly green no matter how far from a rift she happened to be. He'd often wondered if he'd feel anything touching that mark, but he'd discovered that he didn't. To anything besides demons or a rift, it was harmless.

And Cole was not a demon. Not anymore.

"A month or so before the conclave, my clan came across a group of rebel templars. We were friendly and they were desperate so we sold them some of our supplies for much less than they were worth. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do and a complete stranger showed up to comfort me."

The boy could see the scene playing out in her mind and was shocked to see himself in her memories. He was the stranger?

"I thought you were another Templar-well, an oddly dressed Templar-but you just told me not to feel guilty. You explained how even the Templars were just people who needed help."

"I don't remember that." Cole told her, his voice shaking. She picked up on his sudden change of mood and shot him a smile.

"It's not your job to remember everything."

He could see in her eyes that she was worried for him, feel that she was scared he'd withdraw after hearing that, and he still couldn't stop himself. Cole pushed away from the table he'd been sitting on and turned away from the Inquisitor.

"I don't-I can't," he hesitated, pulling in a strangled breath, "I need to leave."

He moved towards the stairs and forced himself to fade away before she could do anything to stop him, ignoring the cry of "Cole, wait!" she shouted after him as he went. It was hurting again, _she _was hurting him again. Cole knew she hadn't meant to and it wasn't anything she had done, really, but he couldn't bear the thought that he'd met Sindarel and _forgotten_ her. How could he do something like that? And he definitely had done it, because her memory of him had been crystal clear.

Cole sprinted through the main hall, exceedingly thankful that everyone else had such difficulty seeing him when he didn't want them to, and didn't stop until he'd burst through the door to the cylindrical room Solas had taken for his own. The elf was sitting behind a desk in the very center of the vast space, staring up at the floors above. Dorian was milling about on one, Cole knew, and Leliana on another.

"Deep breaths, Cole." Solas said without looking away, "Breathe, _then _speak."

The boy followed his instructions and thought about how fitting it was that the mage's name was Solas, like _solace_. He was very good at keeping others calm.

"Something is wrong." Cole sputtered as soon as he could. He moved closer to his friend and heard him think _well, that much was obvious._ Not many people knew it, but Solas was secretly quite sarcastic.

"Please go on."

"She says I knew her before, but I don't remember! Could-could I forget that? I can't forget, I help, I heal hurts that haunt unhappy people. I-I-"

"Who knew you before?" Solas interjected, looking genuinely concerned after Cole's outburst. The blond boy kneaded his trembling fingers together and began pacing haphazardly across the room.

"Sindarel."

"The Inquisitor?"

"Yes."

"And it bothers you that you forgot?"

"Yes! I forgot that, I could forget _now_. I want to remember. _Swirling blue lines on her face, wide, happy smile on her lips, _I want to remember!"

Solas was scowling by then, his gray eyes following Cole around the room. The boy felt that the elf was unhappy about something but he didn't quite understand what.

"I had no idea you felt that strongly towards her."

This stopped the boy in his tracks. He turned towards his friend slowly, a slight frown on his face.

"Do I?"

"It appears so, but I suppose you wouldn't know. You shouldn't need to." Solas shook his head before continuing to speak, "Cole, spirits don't usually react to emotions the way you are doing, the way you did after the Inquisitor stayed behind at Haven. You should put this out of your mind."

"I can't!" the boy exclaimed, the volume of his voice rising once again, "_Weak, weary, walking for miles, collapsing on cold snow._ I carried her. I felt the world change."

When he next looked at Solas, he was surprised to find that the elf was smiling. It was a sad smile, an uncertain one, and it meant that Solas knew something he didn't.

"Perhaps I don't understand as well as I'd thought." he laughed lightly, a sound Cole enjoyed because it was somewhat rare, "'Felt the world change', you say? I experienced something similar myself."

"_Hand around wrist, fear in her eyes but certainty in his. A flash of green light and it's over. _She _is the solution._"

"That was the one. Will you be alright now?"

Solas was watching him with worry in his gaze, and Cole knew only one answer would erase that hurt. He took a deep breath and gave it. He would give a lot more to keep a person like Solas happy.

"Yes."


	6. Mars

**A/N- Hey there guys, here I am updating again. Thanks to my reviewers and yes, Shadre, there are only 6 chapters left. Well, 5 after I upload this. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well~**

**Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.**

**Chapter Six: Mars**

**Chapter Track: Mars -Sleeping at Last**

It had only been a week since the Inquisitor had converted the Wardens at Adamant Fortress, but that had been enough time for the entire trajectory of Cole's short life to change. Several events had unfolded in quick succession, a few pleasant but most not and the corporeal spirit was having trouble keeping up. After the discovery that something very much like him existed in the Fade, the Nightmare, Cole had decided to take it upon himself to convince Solas to bind him to Sindarel. If he was bound, no one could control him. If he was bound, he would never be able to betray her. Unfortunately the mage refused to go along with this plan and even Sindarel, who seemed quite flattered that Cole trusted her enough to be bound to her, ultimately disagreed with him.

"If Solas binds you, you might become someone else. I don't want anyone else, I want _you_."

The words had made sense but he knew she was wrong; wrong to trust him, wrong to want him around. He was more certain than anything that he was dangerous and because he would not stop badgering Solas for help, the elven mage finally gave in and offered him another way out.

"There _is _an amulet that might be useful to you."

Cole had latched onto the idea the way a defeated captain latches on to their sinking ship and, because she considered him a friend, Sindarel had someone find the amulet for them. It hadn't worked. The boy was certain that he was _wrong_ somehow, to be a spirit that could not be protected, but Varric had pointed out another possibility. Was it really possible? Could he possibly be becoming human, piece by broken piece? He didn't want that. Cole had looked into Varric's eyes and felt his pain when he spoke of love, had been around Solas long enough to know that true regret tasted like bitter ashes on the tongue. When the time came, however, Sindarel had made the choice for him. She decided to let Varric lead him down the human path and he, too blinded by rage to know any better, had gone along with it.

The only thing he felt then was pain.

Pain every day, pain every _second_, the hurts of others, his own untreated wounds. It was harder to make them forget, it was harder to make himself feel clean and he was being pulled apart from the sheer weight of it all. Was this what Sindarel had gone through? When he'd first pushed back the curtain of blinding light that _was her_, he'd seen that she carried the same burden. Even without Cole's abilities, she had been trying to do his job.

He couldn't be around her anymore. The boy thought that it had hurt to look at her before, but that feeling had nothing on the ache he felt looking at her now. The Inquisitor needed him, he could sense it even with his diminished abilities, and he, coward that he was, could do nothing but hide from her. Cole had taken to following her discreetly around Skyhold instead of doing what he used to, what he should have been doing. No longer was he the kindly spirit who had slipped daggers from the belts of angsty warriors just to keep them from doing something they'd regret later on. No longer was he the sort of person who'd race through the tavern with an armful of chickens just to keep them from being prematurely butchered by the cook. He still helped Leliana find her missing scouts when he could and sorted through stacks of Tevinter writings so Dorian could find something, anything on Corypheus, but those were menial tasks compared to the things he used to do. It worried him, this sudden lack of desire to assist in any way he could, and it worried Solas even more. That worry came to a boil eventually and Cole watched in silence from the upper floor as the mage argued with the Inquisitor in his cylindrical room.

"I expected more from you," he said, the slightest tinge of irritation coloring his tone, "You've always acted altruistically in the past, but this...this was not done for Cole. It was for you. You knew he didn't want to be human."

"Well according to you, he's still not human is he?" the Inquisitor shot back, "So no harm done."

Solas sighed deeply and Cole felt that he was frustrated with Sindarel's incessant bullheadedness. She was too young, too inexperienced in his mind to express any sort of flexibility. Perhaps she wasn't yet ready to save the world.

"I've been wondering about that recently. I've noticed changes in him, changes that have worsened over time. Cole no longer acts as a spirit does. The choices he makes now are ones a spirit would have no interest in making."

Guilt spread through the boy like fast venom in veins and he considered, not for the first time, how much of him was lost when he'd become less of what he was. Was he still himself? Was he Cole the human now, or just a spirit of Compassion that had drifted too far from the Veil? All Cole was certain of was that he no longer helped the way he used to. His actions were often more self-serving.

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Sindarel asked weakly, and Cole was surprised to feel waves of guilt emanating from her as well.

"Yes. Although the true sin lies not in what you did, but why you did it. I still don't understand why you made this choice, da'len. You knew what he wanted, knew that becoming human was a process no spirit would take to with ease, and yet you chose this anyway. Why?"

Cole leaned over the wooden railing that wrapped around the upper floor to look directly at Sindarel's face for the first time in days and found, to his dismay, that the pain it left him with was enough to make him gasp. She had tears in her eyes and was feeling quite upset herself, but this wasn't what had affected him so greatly. Cole had discovered, as most humans do at some point or another, that his own hurt was more than doubled by his realization of that of someone he cared deeply for. He quickly moved away from the railing and grabbed at the brim of his hat, pulling the wretched thing down as if he could disappear into it. What was happening? To a spirit who had never properly felt before, sympathetic emotion was a more than formidable foe. He wanted the pain to stop, but not for himself. He wanted it for her. Cole was willing to take in the Inquisitor's pain if it meant that she wouldn't feel the need to cry anymore, even if doing so would cripple him.

"If Cole was human, maybe he could stay." she said softly after a dizzyingly long pause. He waited for more, but nothing else came. Her lips were tightly shut and even Solas was regarding her with an expression that conveyed pity more than anything else.

"Ah." he said, "I see now."

_Love_, the mage was thinking, _what a foolish notion it is to think that a spirit could learn to love. _Of course, he had no way of knowing that said spirit already might be able to.

Or that said spirit was crouching down on the ground just one floor above him, clutching at his mouth in an attempt to withhold a scream as he realized what was happening to him.


	7. Jupiter

**A/N- Finally, we're getting to the good parts. As always, thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, or fave/followed. Dolly, I'm glad you liked it so far :) Lace, I love you. Raelindolin, thanks for picking this up and I like your headcannon, I'd totally read it if you ever decided to post it here ^^ Anyhow, everyone else, please read on.**

**Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.**

**Chapter Seven: Jupiter**

**Chapter Track: Jupiter -Sleeping at Last**

He wondered if anyone else had ever hated an emotion so much that they were willing to cut themselves open just to rip it out. Suddenly all of it, everything from the pain he'd felt when he'd first laid eyes on her to the flutters of his heart as he lay beside her in the snow, made sense. He understood. _He understood._

It made him feel like he was burning alive.

He tried to stifle the pain by returning to who he was, going to great lengths to remain unseen as he found arrows for Sera, watched over Iron Bull as he drank himself into a stupor with his Chargers. The surgeon always needed more elfroot, the cook needed to be kept happy so she wouldn't hurt the servants, and he needed to be busy enough to successfully avoid Sindarel. For some reason he was convinced that if she saw him in his current state, she'd immediately realize that his feelings for her had changed. That would not go over well. Eventually it reached the point where she would go out searching for allies and helping the helpless without him purely because she knew he wouldn't show up. He felt her sorrow, sensed her confusion, but did nothing to ease it. Cole wasn't sure if it was cowardice or kindness, but he was certain that distance would be less painful for both of them than the alternative.

It had been a month of carefully coordinated avoidance, during which time the Inquisitor had discovered Corypheus's true intentions for Calpernia as well as unraveled an assassination plot that placed Empress Celene firmly on the throne of Orlais with an elven ally close at hand, when Cole came across a conversation he could not ignore. He was becoming more human by the day, he could practically _feel _his formerly ethereal nature draining from his body, and it took more effort than ever before to remain unnoticed as he moved through the main hall. Two Orlesian nobles were loafing about near the Inquisition throne and normally Cole would have taken little notice of them, but then he heard one of the masked fellows speak Sindarel's name.

"Courting an elf?" his shorter counterpart was saying as Cole drew near, "I am not certain that will go over well."

The first noble rubbed idly at his stubbled chin and then answered in a thick Orlesian accent.

"Empress Celene seems to have taken an elven lover, why can't I? Furthermore, she is the Inquisitor! Any disparaging opinions on our union would give way to that fact."

The boy could practically see the cogs turning in the man's head as he imagined Sindarel as a mere pawn in something he thought of as 'the Game'. He didn't like that. He didn't like that in the man's mind, Sindarel's race was considered an _obstacle_. It disgusted him.

And then he realized that he was feeling jealousy for the first time.

"How do you plan on courting her, then? She may not even be susceptible to your advances."

"Are you insane? She would be foolish to turn me down, my estate is among the largest in Val Royeaux."

He didn't know her at all. As if she would actually be swayed by the promise of riches.

"Besides," the hopeful courtier continued, "Marrying me could raise her above the squabble she is currently allied with. She will never have to live among this crowd again."

Cole felt something snap inside him as he moved into view, placing himself directly in the nobles' line of sight. Both men turned to stare at him and he almost recoiled at the image of himself he saw reflected in their minds. He looked feral...almost demented. His usually impassive countenance was gone, replaced by wide eyes and furrowed brows, a wrinkled nose and a snarl that reminded him in every way of a wild animal. Anyone would have been frightened of him in that moment, and the nobles reacted as expected.

"_Stay away from her_." he hissed so viciously that the shorter of the two men visibly flinched. The one who intended to court Sindarel, however, seemed to be slightly braver. He stilled his trembling hands and took a step closer to the boy.

"I am afraid that is not up to you. Where do you get off, addressing your betters so boldly?"

Unfortunately for the nobles, Cole wasn't used to their strange way of speaking and only understood half of what he was told. Instead of backing down he allowed the human side of him to take over. Something shifted within and for the first time Cole felt…possessive.

"She's mine." he said the words confidently, clearly, and his voice didn't waver as it might have before. The nobleman sneered at him, half his expression hidden behind that Orlesian mask.

"As if she would settle for some-"

Cole didn't know what came over him. Suddenly his hand was wrapped around the hilt of the dagger tucked into his belt and the Orlesians had realized it and were eyeing him with true fear in their gaze. They sidestepped him and practically sprinted down the hall before he could do anything more, but the damage was already done. The boy's heart plummeted to his stomach as he realized that he was quickly becoming exactly the thing he had fought to protect the others from. Just over a month ago, he had been the one stealing daggers from the soldiers to keep them from harming each other. Cole removed his hand from the dagger and stumbled towards the nearest door. Once he was safely hidden from view he allowed himself to collapse on the stone floor and pressed his face into his knees.

What had he become?

* * *

><p>"Why?"<p>

The elven girl dropped the helmet she'd been examining onto the ground and spun around, searching for the source of the voice that had slipped out of the darkness behind her. They were alone in her room and it was nighttime so perhaps she was right to be scared, but Sindarel was the most talented warrior he had ever met. If anyone could protect themselves from an unwanted visitor in their quarters, it was her.

"Cole?" she asked when she spotted him perched awkwardly on the desk in the corner of the room. He didn't move, didn't look away as she came closer.

"Are you talking to me now?" she said waspishly, but he could feel that she was hopeful. She hadn't asked him for an explanation when he'd stopped going out into the Hinterlands with her, when he'd stopped even speaking to her, and he knew why now. She was scared she'd make him disappear. Unfortunately for her, those emotions had no effect on his just then.

"This isn't what I wanted. I don't like this, it's too near, too narrow to be natural. Take it back!"

She seemed alarmed by his newfound anger, but still he could not waver.

"What are you talking about?"

"WHY'D YOU MAKE ME MORE HUMAN?" he was shouting then, hating the way his voice reverberated off the stone ceiling, "Why did you...why would you want to hurt me?"

He felt something wet dripping down the side of his face and reached up to feel...water? To a spirit-turned-human who had never felt true sorrow before, crying was a novel experience.

"I wasn't-" the Inquisitor began, but then stopped abruptly, "Cole, I didn't-"

Her words cut off again too suddenly to be anything but an accident, and Cole saw that tears were trailing down her cheeks. It was only then that he realized that his own sadness had manifested itself physically as well.

"_I'm sorry_, _I'm _so _sorry_!" she sobbed, using her sleeve to wipe at her face, "I didn't want to hurt you, but I was selfish-I didn't realize!"

He was sure of it then, that he didn't want to hear the rest of what she had to say. As soon as she told him the truth, it would be real. _He _would be real. He wasn't ready to be real, wasn't ready for what reality entailed.

"Cole, I-I made you human for me."

Wasn't the truth supposed to set you free? Cole didn't feel free at all, anymore. It was almost as if everything he'd ever been was now bound to this one girl.

"I don't understand." he whispered, fighting the urge to run. Sindarel moved her arm away from her tear-stricken face and fixed him with a blazing, brilliant, beautifully-bright look.

"I'm in love with you."

Without warning the glass walls of his facade were shattered, the soft muscle of his heart ceased its beating as some invisible monster of hatred and pain tore into it. It was worse. Everything else he had ever felt could be shoved together into one singular ache and this would still be worse.

He was silent as he stood up and stepped lightly across the room, and Sindarel did not stop him. If ever there was a moment he wanted to disappear, it was now.


	8. Saturn

**A/N- Here at last is the chapter I've been waiting to post since the very beginning. I hope you all like it as much as I do, and don't think it's too sappy (it's really sappy, I can't even begin to explain how), but I won't really know until I update. DarthLolita, I'm so honored that you went through all that effort and I really hope it works for you now. McLean and JackoftheVoid, I'm sorry! Hope this helps! Lace, I believe this chapter will clear things up nicely. As for everyone else, thank you for reading. I may not have the most faves/followers, but those I do have seem to review more than most and I am SO appreciative of that. Please enjoy~**

***UPDATE*: Guys, I'm so sorry to do this to y'all. Please don't get your hopes up, this is not a new chapter. It's just been brought to my attention that this chapter isn't showing up right so I'm deleting it and re-uploading it. I'm sorry!**

****Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.****

**Chapter Eight: Saturn**

**Chapter Track: Saturn -Sleeping at Last**

He felt as if he hadn't stopped crying for days.

At first Cole thought that his tears were for her, as they always seemed to be, but then he realized that the more he cried the more he felt as if the accumulation of poisonous emotions he'd experienced during his first month as a human was draining from his body. He tried to avoid his friends for the duration of it, but eventually Varric found him. To his surprise the dwarf merely nodded sagely upon seeing the state of him and remarked that it was to be expected, that perhaps he was hurtling through the time humans usually spent as crying toddlers so he could reach the stage where he was an actual adult. The idea didn't truly comfort Cole but it did, at the very least, give him the impression that his tears would dry up eventually.

On the fourth day, he started replaying that wretched night over and over again in his mind, searching for answers, for some sort of clue that would explain just how things had gone so terribly wrong. He reimagined the scene as it was, and then backwards, and then objectively before he discovered one astounding bit of information.

And he began to laugh.

It was true laughter, carefree and wild and uninterested if the people milling about in the courtyard below the battlements could hear it. He had never laughed so openly throughout the entirety of his life. Even the original Cole whose body was now his had never experienced such joy. _She had lied. _As focused as he'd been on his own inner turmoil and as unnecessary as it was to delve into the mind of someone who had openly admitted their love for you, Cole hadn't thought to relive the scene through her eyes until just then. She didn't even know it herself but the Inquisitor had lied when she told him she'd made him human for selfish reasons. It had been for him.

In truth, the workings of her mind were too complex to be put so simply, but he'd realized that the gist of it was that something she had originally done for his good had been twisted, corrupted, covered with guilt until she had been convinced that she'd done it for herself. She was being honest when she said she loved him. In fact, she had loved him enough to make him human and give him the chance to learn, to grow in a way a spirit never could. Unfortunately guilt is a terrible demon and it will dog your steps until you're convinced that even the most altruistic of your goals were done for personal gain. Yes, Sindarel wanted Cole to be a human boy so perhaps he could return her feelings someday, but that wasn't what she'd thought of when she'd been offered that penultimate of choices. Now it was up to him to make the final choice and the answer had already been decided for him long ago.

He loved her back. No, that was putting it mildly-Sindarel loved Cole a great deal but she was a mere elf, a young girl who had experienced very little of the world prior to joining the Inquisition. Cole, on the other hand, was a spirit of Compassion, a being that had existed for decades longer than she ever could have. Compassion can heal, Compassion can cover wounds you never knew you had, but above all Compassion can _love_. He loved her with a fervor that she couldn't even begin to comprehend.

Cole's love for the Inquisitor was greater than the number of stars in the sky.

* * *

><p>He stood awkwardly beside Dorian in the library, wringing his hands as he waited for the Tevinter mage to tell him what he needed to know.<p>

"I have to be honest with you, dear boy, I've never tried to woo a girl before." the older man said uncertainly after a moment's pause. Cole cottoned on surprisingly quickly.

"Because you like men?"

The mage chuckled at this and Cole smiled agreeably, even though he was unsure exactly which part of what he'd said had been amusing.

"Yes, because I like men. Cole, it seems to me that the first issue the two of you have to overcome is your lack of communication," Dorian stopped suddenly and pressed a hand to his forehead, "I can't believe I'm preaching _values _to a spirit now. What sort of topsy-turvy world have we stumbled upon?"

"She said she loves me." the boy was following his own train of thought, "Should I...should I just say it back? That's what usually happens."

Countless memories of other couples professing their love flew through his mind, but none of them particularly stood out. He didn't want his love for Sindarel to disappear into the background of someone else's memories. He didn't want to forget anything about her ever again.

"To be honest, I still can't get over the fact that she chose you of all people!" the mage exclaimed, but not unkindly, "Not that you aren't dashing in your own way, but still, to fall in love with a spirit? I'm quite certain this has never happened before."

"I don't understand it." Cole said uncertainly, "But it makes me happy. I think that's good."

This earned the boy a smile from the older man. Dorian crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head back just slightly, a gesture that meant he was deep in thought.

"Why don't we start simple? What does Sindarel like?"

Dorian knew the Inquisitor very well so Cole was surprised that this question even needed to be asked. Even as the words were slipping from the mage's mouth he had come up with many answers to his own question. Among his thoughts Cole picked out _two-handed swords_ and _halla figurines_, both of which were correct but not very special in his opinion.

"She likes stories." the boy said after a moment, recalling the avid way in which Sindarel would listen to Varric's tales, "Should I write her one?"

Dorian raised his eyebrows at the suggestion but did not toss it aside immediately, despite his better judgement.

"_Can_ you write?"

"Yes. But I've never really tried."

"Then perhaps it's not the best idea."

Cole fixed Dorian with a very solemn gaze and answered him quite earnestly.

"It would have been about rabbits."

There was another brief spell of silence between the two as the older man tried to phrase his reply in a way that would not destroy Cole's dreams. The boy appreciated the kindness with which Dorian treated him, but was disappointed nonetheless. He waited patiently as the mage ran through another possible confession scenario, and then felt a shock of excitement and mischievousness mixed flash through his friend.

"I believe I've come up with a plan that even you couldn't muck up, Cole."

* * *

><p>It was dark and rather chilly outside by the time Cole began to search Skyhold's grounds for the Inquisitor, and he felt rather thankful that sensations like cold or heat didn't have much of an effect on him. She was sitting alone in the garden beneath the light of an oil lamp when he found her, looking for all the world like something that had just stepped out of a fairytale. Once he overcame that initial strain of looking directly at her (shock, then pain, then recovery) he moved closer and saw that she was scribbling something into a leather bound journal. What was she doing?<p>

Using his experience as a rogue as best as he could, the boy stepped silently closer until he could see over her shoulder. She was drawing on the thin paper pages of the journal, using charcoal to sharpen the lines of a figure that looked remarkably familiar to him.

"Is that me?" he asked, forgetting that he hadn't alerted her to his presence. She screamed and jumped away from the log she had been using as a seat, journal clutched to her chest and charcoal stick clattering onto the cobblestone floor below. When she saw who it was that had surprised her she blanched momentarily, and then blushed a deep crimson that Cole knew conveyed embarrassment.

"No!" she exclaimed, then pelted the small journal at him with all the strength she could muster. Unfortunately for her, Cole had gained alarmingly fast reflexes in his time spent stabbing his enemies in the back and then leaping out of their reach. He caught the journal and allowed it to fall open in his palms, ignoring the dismay he felt emanating from the Inquisitor's general direction. He flipped through the pages quickly, glancing over drawings and sketches of their friends involved in various activities and felt slightly happier each time he saw himself depicted in charcoal etchings.

"I'm in here a lot." he commented, and then looked up to see that Sindarel was regarding him with a slightly pinched expression. Her face was still flushed.

"So?" she snapped, and then moved forward to snatch the journal from his hands. He let it go without a fight because it wasn't the reason he had sought her out anyway. When she made to step away from him again, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. She promptly dropped the journal.

"Dorian said I should learn to 'communicate better'," he began, ignoring the shock that whipped through her as a result of his sudden action, "So I found you. I was wrong before. Varric says I'm still learning so it's okay to make mistakes, but yelling at you was wrong."

The indignant look slipped right off Sindarel's face and she regarded the boy holding her in place with a rather despondent expression.

"No, it wasn't. I changed you for _myself_, don't you understand? You deserve to be mad at me for that."

"But you didn't! It was for me all along, everything done for me. Gentle." his hand slipped down her wrist until their fingers were intertwined, "You watch me walk into darkness over and over and you always worry. My pain wasn't your fault."

"You're wrong." she stated plainly, refusing to believe that she had been acting selflessly the entire time. Cole glanced away from her, having reached his highest tolerance for pain, and spoke softly. Now was not the time for an argument.

"I need to say something else."

She was frowning then, he could feel it even without looking at her, and she was thinking of the implications of him touching her willingly after what had transpired between them.

"_He's not angry anymore? He should be, even if he doesn't blame me for what happened, I still told him I-_"

"Please, Cole, I don't need to hear my own thoughts repeated back at me right now." the young elf interrupted, flustered. Cole fought the urge to smile at her reaction because Dorian had instructed him to stay on topic. With his free hand he pulled a small, silvery ring from one of his patched pockets.

"I love you. I have since the first day, _shaking, shivering, sure that I needed you_, I helped you, but you _saved _me."

She bit her lip, a reflex to stop herself from blurting out what she was thinking, but it was useless with Cole being what he was.

_This isn't real, this isn't happening, this isn't real, this isn't happening-_

"It is!" the boy exclaimed, more to stop those thoughts than anything else. Was it really so hard to believe that he had fallen for her? Leader of the Inquisition, marvel of the Orlesian court, _hope of Thedas_, and she still didn't believe she was worthy of being loved by him? The situation was so entirely backwards that Cole, what with his little experience of being human, could barely keep up.

"You're just confused, alright? You'll r-regret this later on," she said belligerently, her voice shaking, "You'll realize that I'm selfish and naive and-"

He cut her off by opening up his left hand to reveal the ring sitting on his palm. The Inquisitor found herself speechless for a moment, her mind a blank slate.

"...are you proposing to me?"

"Yes?"

"Cole, do you even know what marriage is?"

"Yes. Dorian said that if I gave you a ring, you'd stay with me forever."

She shook her head but she was, at long last, smiling just slightly. Sindarel took the ring from him and slipped it onto one previously unadorned finger, and then let go of his hand to wrap her arms around his waist. With her head pressed to Cole's chest, the Inquisitor's smile grew even wider. _I can hear his heartbeat_, she thought idly, and then tilted her head up so she could meet his gaze.

"I want to stay with you, but I'm too young to get married just yet." she paused, her smile turning into a teasing grin, "And Dorian was playing a trick on you when he told you to do this."

"A trick?" the boy said with dismay evident in his tone, "Should I have done something else?"

"No, this was good. It was a trick but I think he knew it would work. I'm keeping the ring, is that okay?"

The boy tilted his head to the side and then brushed her dark hair away from her eyes experimentally. She leaned into his touch.

"I felt...lighter, livelier when you put it on. It's better."

"Better than what?"

"Hurting."

She frowned, and he wondered why his words had bothered her.

"When were you hurting?"

Cole wasn't sure how to answer her. There were so many individual instances of pain he could mention-when she'd first made him laugh, when he'd first become human, when she'd said she loved him-but there was one that stood out amongst the others.

"It hurts to look at you." he muttered, watching his fingers curling around her hair, "But I still want to. Always."

Sindarel was blushing again, eyebrows furrowed, teeth sinking into the skin of her lips just as before so she could stop herself from snapping back a waspish retort. He didn't mind. The Inquisitor had proven to be rather defensive and often resorted to insults to disguise her true feelings. She was making an effort to not react that way to his sappy declaration, and that made him exceedingly happy.

"You're smiling." she commented. Cole nodded, his wide-brimmed hat bobbing along with the motion.

"Yes." he said softly, "I know."


	9. Uranus

**A/N- Wow! Okay, the number of reviews I got on that last chapter actually blew me away! I love you guys! Darth Lolita, I'm sure Dorian couldn't stop laughing! Lady Milerna, this is one of the most beautiful reviews I've ever gotten. Please know that when I read it, I couldn't stop smiling for like an hour. Thank you SO much. Servatia, I'm so sorry about that mess up, for some reason this website kept making the chapter disappear? I hope the same thing doesnt happen to this one. I really appreciate you telling me and also supporting this story. Vinyl Scratch3, is it safe to say you approve of my version of Cole? I hope so :) Jiroah, Lilithia, and McLean, you guys are so sweet for reviewing. Thank you. And Lace, you seriously have to stop unless you want me to cry ughh. you're the best. Sorry for that not-so brief interlude, please read on~**

**Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.**

**Chapter Nine: Uranus**

**Chapter Track: Uranus -Sleeping at Last**

The days passed too quickly after that night and Cole was forced to discover that the world was more important and much more demanding of Sindarel than their relationship ever could be. A pretty apostate with unusual abilities had arrived from Orlais just a week after the assassination plot on the Empress had been resolved and insisted that she knew where Corypheus would strike next. The Inquisitor and her advisors seemed to trust this Morrigan, and Cole had discovered no ill-intent upon monitoring her thoughts so he had no adequate reason to complain. Even so, it was difficult knowing that Sindarel was his and he couldn't even be near her as often as he wanted to be.

_But she was his_. Every time he thought that he found himself feeling quite confused about what had happened between them, how she had rejected his proposal but accepted his love. Could it really be that simple? From what he'd felt over his years of watching other couples fall in and out of love, it was rarely as simple as it had been with them. More often than not, one person was not interested in the other. More often than not, somebody got hurt. He supposed he'd been hurt enough already, however, and perhaps everything else had become simple because of that.

It hurt less to look at her after that night, and the pain was lessening every day. He was following her out on her errands again (what counted as errands for the Inquisitor, anyway) and together they scoured the snowy banks of Emprise du Lion, the lush green forests of the Emerald Graves, forever working to bring peace to a land that seemed to fight against it at every turn. Afterwards they would retire to Skyhold and she'd return to him, glowing, gleaming against a darkened background, drowning out the rush of noise he had to face each time he entered a crowded room. His mind had become somewhat quieter after he'd made the transition into humanity, but she made it quieter still. As soon as she was with him, she was all he saw.

Eventually Morrigan revealed to them that the elven artifact Corypheus was searching for was in the Arbor Wilds and Cullen requested that the Inquisitor allow him one day to outfit their troops before they headed south. One day of freedom before they traveled into the eye of the storm. The sunrise on that one day found them sitting on the ledge of the battlements and waiting for it, an activity Josephine had warned against multiple times. She was afraid the Inquisitor would plummet to her untimely death eventually, but Sindarel wasn't the sort to worry about such things.

"Varric says I might be taking advantage of you," she said nonchalantly, but Cole knew that even the thought of it had bothered her, "That you're too new to all this to know whether this is what you really want."

"This?" he repeated because she had been unclear. She shifted until her right leg was tucked underneath her and nodded.

"Us, I mean. Me. He says that just a few months ago, you didn't even know what love was. Maybe he's right."

The boy felt frustrated then because everyone was always so _concerned _about his well-being. It would have been a good thing, perhaps, if it didn't cause Sindarel to doubt him so much of the time. He was not a child. He was inexperienced, yes, just like a foreigner in a new and strange land, but he was not a child. No one seemed to believe that.

"I know what _love _is." he muttered, sulking, "I didn't and now I do. He's wrong."

"You use that word a lot."

"It's pretty. It doesn't hurt."

She smiled brightly at him then and reached out for his hand. He took it. Cole didn't know if they fit the criteria they needed to be referred to as a _real _couple and Bull seemed to believe that they should have started 'screwing around' already, but he wasn't sure what that even meant. He liked holding Sindarel's hand. Her laughter sounded like music to him and he wanted to hear it as often as he possibly could. As long as she wanted to be around him, he didn't care about any of the rest of it.

In the afternoon they went out to the courtyard and he leaned against the brick wall of the tavern as she sat beside his legs and sketched out the scene unfolding before them. It was a little past lunch time so the soldiers and workers had gathered together to eat their meals in various places on the lawn, giggling and chattering until their noise drowned out the words in Cole's mind. He was able to wonder why he'd never known that Sindarel liked to draw, and when he asked her she answered him quite cheerfully. It seemed she no longer had anything to hide.

"I drew a lot more back in the Free Marches, you should have seen it all. I filled up so many journals that Leander forbid me from starting more than one a month. At Haven, though, I just couldn't bring myself to do anything but fight. Well, until you showed up anyway."

"You changed after me?" he queried, unable to decide whether it was a good or a bad thing. She didn't answer for a moment, merely finished sketching out the crouched figure of another archer, and then glanced up at him.

"_Because _of you. Before I found you again, I felt so alone. I love Cassandra and the rest, but I don't think they ever stopped to consider that I was anything other than _Andraste's Herald_. I never asked for this stupid mark," she stopped speaking for a second to shake her left hand violently, "I didn't want to lead them, not at first. You were the only one who noticed."

"I hear your thoughts," he protested, thinking that she gave him too much credit, "It wasn't their fault, they didn't-"

"I know, I know," she cut him off, turning back to her drawing, "But even so. Weeks of fighting my way through demons when I'd only ever used my sword to hunt before and you were the only one to come up to me and say-"

"_It will be alright. You're trying very hard, I know you are, and you're doing well. Don't be sad."_

"Right." she laughed, "How could I not fall in love with that?"

He wasn't sure how to respond to that. On the one hand, what he'd said to her was a very ordinary thing for him; it was his duty to ease as many aches as he could and hers was just one among the many. On the other, he _had_ made more of an effort to keep her happy than he ever had with another person. Cole wasn't sure that made him worthy of being loved, but he wasn't going to talk her out of it either.

That night she took him back to her chambers, her fingers wrapped tightly around his as they moved through the main hall, her steps practically a strut and his a more limber form of shuffling. He tried to ignore the many eyes upon them, the minds wondering what scandalous activities they got up to behind closed doors, and he had to remind himself that Sindarel didn't care what they thought of her. By extension, he shouldn't have cared either.

He felt much better once they were inside the spacious room she'd been awarded just for being who she was. Sindarel released him at once and made her way to her desk, rifling through the many reports and letters various Inquisition members had left there throughout the day. Without warning, she snatched up one piece of vellum that was slightly longer and less professional-looking than the others and beamed at it.

"It's from Leander!" she exclaimed, and he could feel her joy. It rolled off her in sheets, different instances of anxiety and anger and sorrow all washed out by this one letter from her clan. He wondered if she'd feel similarly upon receiving a letter from him and then remembered that he'd never truly written anything before.

"My clan is doing well." she muttered once she'd finished reading, "They still have the usual problems with Wycome but they're fine otherwise."

"They miss you." he remarked, and she met his gaze with raised eyebrows.

"How do you know?"

"I can feel what he felt when he wrote that. It's less, but still there."

Sindarel returned the letter to the desk and wound her way around the room to him, her hands behind her back, an impish grin on her face. When she was standing directly in front of him, she whipped her arms out and shoved him backwards onto the bed too quickly for him to protest. He tried to push himself up, his hat tumbling off his head as he did so, but then the Inquisitor flopped down on top of him and he decided that he'd rather stay still than risk injuring her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice calmer than he felt. He was frightened as he remembered that this was almost exactly how the raunchiest of Iron Bull's stories began. Sindarel giggled in that familiar sort of way and readjusted herself so that she was laying partially on the bed instead of entirely on him, with only her head and shoulders still pressed to his chest.

"Calm down, Cole, we're only sleeping." she assured him, her words muffled by his shirt, "Goodness, your heart is beating a mile a minute! Are you scared?"

He hesitated, wondering if this was the sort of situation in which a human might need to lie, but then decided to tell the truth. Sindarel understood him in a way no one else did. Lying would never be necessary with her.

"Yes, I'm scared. And I don't sleep."

"Really? Even after you changed?"

"I get tired sometimes now, but I don't sleep." he said thoughtfully, staring at the stone ceiling above them, "I _did_ drink water yesterday. It felt good."

She let out an amused sort of snort and moved one of her arms so it was lying across his stomach. He was unsure of how to reciprocate, but having Sindarel so close made him feel warm, fluttery even. Perhaps she knew.

"At least that's something. What do you usually do when everyone else is asleep?"

"I try to help. Some of the soldiers guard the castle at night and sometimes they need to be heard. I listen. They're happier and I can wash clean." he broke off suddenly with a low chuckle that made Sindarel raise her head, "No, that's wrong. I can't wash clean anymore, can't forget. But at least I can still help."

The Inquisitor dropped back down onto his chest and pouted, something Cole could barely catch in the darkness of her room. Only one oil lamp, the one by her desk, was still burning. He wondered why she'd left it lit.

"You're too good, Cole. It might get you hurt someday."

It already had, but he wasn't going to tell her that. Cole had just discovered the difference between lying and omitting the truth.

"Maybe."

Sindarel was quiet for a moment after that and when he searched her thoughts to find out why, he found that she felt nervous. Like the scout he'd come across so many weeks ago in the moments before she'd said _I love you_ to her warrior.

"Cole," she began uncertainly, that same nervous feeling coloring her tone, "Will you stay with me while I sleep? I know there are better things you could be doing, and you'll probably be bored, but-"

"I want to stay." he said firmly, moving his left hand so it could brush against her hair. The apprehension she had felt before disappeared almost instantaneously.

"Thank you." she murmured, and he was happy. As a spirit, Cole had held a different perception of the passing of time than humans did. That had changed. Although he had vowed to remain awake at the Inquisitor's side as she slept, he found that something inside him seemed almost as if it was...slipping away.

It wasn't long before the boy's eyes drifted shut and the spirit that Cole had once been performed its first truly human act.


	10. Neptune

**A/N- Guys I'm running out of things to say in the author's note ;-; so I'll just get to thanking y'all. Skip ahead if you just wanna read ^^ Servatia, I'm glad it worked! And yeah, I always thought the romance with Cole would be pretty innocent for at least the first year. Plus I'm not into writing adult content myself so yeah DX Lilithia, thank you, I try :) RBurger, finally, someone who feels me on Sandal like my life is incomplete without his presence offering me the power of runes. But I agree, the scene after the credits was impressive. McLean, ughhh same! KoreNestis, thank youu, you're so sweet ;-; yeah I agree, writing Cole is a bet difficult. Plus, I'm not sure if it's noticable but I've been trying to slowly transition his speech patterns into more normal ones for a human so yeahh, but it's good to hear I've been doing it well! Shadre, yes actually! are you psychic? Lohikaarme, thanks, that's my goal :) Infinite Carnage, no problemo, good luck with your unusual pairing as well XD AllThingsWeird, thank you for your support ^^**

****Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.****

**Chapter Ten: Neptune**

**Chapter Track: Neptune -Sleeping at Last**

The changes in him came very suddenly after that and Cole the human boy found that he needed to sleep every night, drink water very often, and eat anything he could get his hands on if he wanted to feel even slightly comfortable in his own skin. His friends often sat around to watch him in fascination as he scarfed down numerous helpings of whatever the cook had concocted for the troops that day, and gained no weight at all. Sera in particular seemed frustrated by his good fortune but Solas merely postulated that perhaps his body was attempting to make up for all the meals it had missed over the past few years. Cole didn't care much about the why or how of it and was simply pleased that his sudden outbursts of humanity seemed to make Sindarel so happy. He slept beside her every night after the first one, discounting the full day the Inquisition had spent in the Arbor Wilds.

Sindarel had tried to destroy the Well of Sorrows, but Morrigan had stopped her. Cole had been there, he had watched uneasily as the apostate convinced the Inquisitor that she could handle the power that had slept within the well for so long. Sindarel had let Morrigan drink from the well as she requested and they had escaped the Temple through an Eluvian, but since then something had changed. Morrigan was constantly distressed, her son, Kieran, seemed somehow..._less_ than what he had been before, and the Inquisitor felt somewhat guilty whenever she was around either of them. She hadn't told him why and he hadn't asked, knowing that sometimes weedling out the truth would only make it seem worse, but he was worried about her nonetheless.

Those were the bad changes, the ones he didn't want to think about, but Cole soon discovered that good things were happening too. Sera avoided him less, stopped referring to him as an 'it' and Vivienne once patted him idly on the the shoulder when he'd brought her an ingredient she thought she'd run out of. The soldiers felt more confident, more firm in their beliefs and every time they saw Sindarel their will to fight, to _defend_ became stronger. Cullen had stopped thinking of his lyrium ache and became more confident. Leliana hadn't murdered her old friend and became kinder. Even Blackwall-or Rainier, maybe, Cole still wasn't certain what to call him- felt more at peace with himself and the former spirit of Compassion was positively delighted to see that. He wanted Sindarel to feel the way he did and asked Varric what he should do, only to receive two words in response.

_Wicked Grace._

The dwarf gathered their friends from all over Skyhold, inviting even their advisors down to the tavern to participate in the game until everyone (excluding Leliana, Solas, and Vivienne who supposedly could not stoop so low) besides the Inquisitor was gathered around a large table set up specifically for Varric's game. Sindarel arrived last, following Varric in with a suspicious look in her eyes. When she spotted her friends seated and waiting for her, however, the doubt was gone. She was smiling so brightly that it lit up the entire room, dispelled every fear any of them had hidden away and Cole came to the conclusion that when it came to matters of the heart, Varric always knew best. He had only ever been wrong on one occasion, the boy thought to himself, but now was not the time or place to bring that up.

After the game had ended and Cullen had made a break for his tower clad in nothing but his shambled dignity, courtesy of one very proud Josephine, Sindarel finally stopped laughing and turned to thank Varric for what he'd done for them all. The dwarf had grinned, and then shook his head.

"Don't thank me. The kid was the one who came around asking for some way to make you feel better."

Any normal human might have glanced away at this point, embarrassed that their friend was revealing their intentions to the person they loved, but Cole had not yet reached a level of humanity anyone sane might refer to as 'normal'. He stared at the elf unabashedly until she turned her face to meet his gaze with an astonished expression.

"He did that?" the Inquisitor asked Varric, her wide eyes still fixated on the boy.

"Yup."

Sindarel pursed her lips then and reached down to squeeze Varric's hand just once before moving back towards the table, towards Cole. She pulled out the seat across from the one he was still perched on and collapsed into it, no longer looking very surprised at all. Varric had left, the tavern was mostly empty, and the boy was acutely aware of how alone they were then.

"You're always doing things for my benefit." she muttered after a moment spent in silence. She looked tired, worn out, but she didn't _feel_ upset.

"I want you to be happy."

"I know that," she said with a strained smile, "It's just that part of being real is doing things for yourself every once in a while, not just for other people."

"But, Sindarel," the boy began, a befuddled expression on his face, "You don't do things for yourself either."

The girl across the table from him tilted her head to the side.

"What?"

"Whenever you think of doing something, you wonder if everyone else will agree first. Caring and kind and courageous-those are good things, but why do you never worry about _you_?"

"Of course I worry about myself. You give me too much credit, Cole."

Her reply was instantaneous and, he noted as she got out of her chair, rather rehearsed. How many times had she repeated that same line to the rest of their friends? How many times had she pretended to be okay when she was anything but? The blond boy didn't have the chance to voice these inquiries, however, because the Inquisitor had wrapped her arms around his neck without a moment's notice.

"Don't overthink things, I'm fine. Thank you for looking out for me."

She kissed him gently on the cheek and then walked away, leaving him quite alone in the ground floor of Skyhold's tavern. He touched the place where Sindarel's lips had met his face hesitantly, wondering if it was perhaps some strange form of magic that had caused his skin to heat up so. He wanted to feel that again. So many months he'd spent cold, empty inside and this was exactly the opposite of that, a sensation that confirmed the notion that she'd been right to make him a human. Spirits never felt like this.

"You just gonna sit there all day or what?" someone drawled from beneath the table. Cole froze up, more surprised than frightened, and then bent over to see who'd been hiding down there.

"It's not daytime, Sera." he explained when he spotted her. She scowled at him and then moved forward without warning, smashing her forehead against his own with enough force to send him reeling. He pushed away from the table immediately, clutching at his skull in an effort to dull the pain. It was a wonder his hat still remained on his head.

"Sera, that hurt!" he complained, but the elven rogue just rolled her eyes. She then crawled out from underneath the table in a rather tipsy motion, leading Cole to the realization that she was drunk.

"Sh-shut up and help me, ghost boy." she murmured, reaching out to him with her hands. He let out an audible sigh and bent down to lift her up into his arms despite knowing that he might get berated for it in the morning. Sera was not known for her kindness and she especially seemed to dislike him. Her hatred was less than before, but it was still there and he didn't want to worsen it.

As he carried her up the stairs to her room, he remembered with a jolt that he had, months ago, held Sindarel in this very same way. She had been shivering violently then, on the verge of hypothermia, and he had been so scared for her. The Inquisitor had thought about him as she'd fallen asleep and that had changed everything. Did she really have that much of an influence over him?

He placed Sera gingerly upon the cushioned bench by the windows in her room, careful not to jostle any of the multitude of useless items she seemed to have gathered there. He remembered that Sindarel had called her a hoarder once, and Sera had merely grinned in response. She'd never smiled at him that way. In fact, Sera never smiled at anyone else the way she smiled at the Inquisitor. He turned to leave after making sure the rogue was adequately wrapped in blankets, only to discover that she'd reached out and grabbed his belt to keep him from going.

"Look, I still don't _love _you," she began, still stretching out her words in that drunken way, "But you're not a bad one. She's all bright when you're around so don't leave, got it?"

"Yes." he said softly, and she released him. He left her room wondering if this perhaps meant that Sera too would be a friend to him someday.

* * *

><p>The Inquisitor had just announced that it was time they go looking for Corypheus when he took it upon himself to come looking for them. Their forces were still in the Arbor Wilds, there was no one left to protect her and she, foolhardy leader that she was, proclaimed that she would go it alone. He had known since he'd met her that there was a good chance she wouldn't be able to see this through to the end, but now that the end was here he was desperate to stop it from coming.<p>

He and the others followed her to the ruins of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, using the newly reopened Breach to help guide their way as they wound through wrecked paths and scaled up the side of rocky mountain slopes. Cole could feel it in each of their minds, that they were unprepared and uncertain that this final battle would be survivable. He hated that, and he hated even more that his own fear was just as noticeable as all of theirs. When they'd reached the point of no return Corypheus was already there and waiting for them. He raised them into the sky. Cole felt the earth shaking beneath his feet as they rose and hurried to stand behind his Inquisitor, to hold her arm in case something forced her to topple over backwards. She didn't need him, not then and perhaps not ever, but she leaned back into him nonetheless. That was when Cole at last understood what love was.

When you are capable of handling life on your own, but feel as if you can't survive it happily without a certain person standing beside you, easing you through, that is love.

And with that, they fought. Corypheus was powerful, intelligent, and his combat reflected his experience, but he did not possess what Sindarel had come to possess: loyal allies, faith, and the sort of anger that comes only when the people you care most about in the world are threatened. Morrigan transformed into something dragonesque and fought Corypheus's pet for them until they were winning for the moment, but then her opponent defeated her. She fell to the ground and Sindarel fell upon the enemy dragon with a rage the others had never seen in her before. It died quickly and left them bloodied, weakened, but still standing. There was only one person left to destroy.

"Cassandra, find Morrigan where she fell and see what you can do to help her," the Inquisitor commanded as they stood at the base of the stairs Corypheus had used to flee, "You should go with her, Vivienne, you're our best healer."

The two women nodded at their leader and left without a moment's hesitation. Dorian watched them retreat and then turned back to Sindarel, his mind racing almost faster than his heart.

"I know what you're planning, and I need you to understand that it is a terrible idea," he began, his voice shaking as he spoke, "Sindarel, we joined the Inquisition to fight at your side!"

Sera glanced between them, a slight frown on her face.

"What's he going on about, then?" she inquired, and Varric took it upon himself to explain.

"The Inquisitor seems to think that it'll be better if she finishes Corypheus on her own."

Cole's heart nearly stopped working right then, the pause between one beat and the next just milliseconds too long to be natural. He ran to her and took her left hand, the marked hand, in his.

"No." he emphasized the one word as much as he could. Sindarel couldn't meet his gaze.

"I'm not letting anyone else get hurt to defend me." she said. He tugged on her hand until she'd look at him the way he wanted her to and tried to speak plainly, as a human would, so she could not claim she didn't understand.

"If you died, I'd be hurt _worse_!"

"He's right, Sindarel," Solas interjected, his arms crossed over his chest, "We should be there."

"No. I'm sorry, I care about all of you too much to allow this to go on any longer," she said to the crowd, and then turned to look at Cole again, "He's weakened and alone. I can do this, okay? I'll be back before you know it."

It was a lie. He could feel her wondering if she'd live through this and sensed that she knew he was aware of it. Still, he didn't fight her, didn't push her away as she leaned forward to press her lips against his. The world around them was gone for the slightest fraction of a second and he could hear every thought she'd ever had about him flashing through her mind at lightening speed. He'd been in there a lot, almost as much as she'd been there in his.

_Traveling through Orlais with the Templars, starving, shivering, broken, they came across an elven clan. One among them burned more brightly than the rest and she could _see _him. _He'd remembered their first meeting.

When she broke the kiss, he could still taste her on his lips.

"I love you." she whispered, "Whatever else happens, just please remember that."

"I can't forget," he promised, and then she was gone. For a moment they just stood there, Iron Bull and Dorian, Sera and Solas, Varric and Blackwall and Cole all wondering if allowing her to meet her nemesis on her own was something they could live with. The boy knew it then, that you can't cage up someone you care about. You can only love them while they're there and hope they return to you when they leave. The group unfortunately didn't have much time to dwell on the matter at hand, however, as the remainder of Corypheus's Venatori guard arrived just as a magical barrier flew up between them and the stairs Sindarel had used to leave them. They were trapped either way, the only options they had left to them were to fight or die. Cole would not allow himself to die if there was a chance that she still lived.

It wasn't long before the Venatori were dead and the ground they stood upon was quaking once again, rocks and boulders breaking loose from the ruins above and tumbling down around them. The breach shook along with them, and then was still and Solas was the first to whisper what they all were thinking.

"_She did it_."

Without another word to any of them he broke through the red barrier over the stairs and rushed through to whatever lay beyond. Cole made to follow him, but was forced to stop when he felt a hand upon his elbow. Glancing down he saw that it was Varric who was holding him back.

"Wait for her to come down," he said with a grin, "Trust me, it'll make for a better story that way."

He wasn't sure he agreed with the dwarf, but the boy waited tensely nonetheless. At long last she appeared at the top of the stairs, one hand clutching at her side, a wide cut bleeding profusely on her forehead, a bright smile spread across her lips. Cole wanted to run to her then as well, but he had something he needed to tell his friend first.

"Varric," he said, still staring at the Inquisitor, "You were wrong."

"I was?"

"Yes. Love only hurts when you're afraid."

She was looking at him and he was looking right back, and nothing pained him. In fact, he was the happiest he'd ever felt. The dwarf laughed then and patted the boy on his back.

"You'd know better than me. Go ahead, kid."

That was all the reassurance Cole needed. He ran forward just in time for Sindarel to jump into his arms and he lifted her up, pulled her as close as he possibly could without jostling her bruised ribcage or worsening the cut on her forehead. She was still smiling as she dragged his hat off his hair and kissed him again, soundly, no relentless enemy lying between them and their future anymore.

"I told you I'd be back," she said then, and he laughed freely.

It was something he was sure he'd be doing a lot in the days to come.


	11. Pluto

****Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. You guys know the rest.****

**Chapter Eleven: Pluto**

**Chapter Track: Pluto -Sleeping at Last**

Her ribs were broken, not merely bruised, and still they held a banquet in her honor. Vivienne ordered the Inquisitor to wear a brace and sent her out into the throng like this was another normal night, like she hadn't just brought down the greatest evil to lay waste to Thedas in the past hundred years. Cole fretted and Dorian agreed with him, but they were in the minority. Everyone else wanted to carry Sindarel on their backs, to clasp her hand and cry on her shoulder, to have her sit at the Inquisition throne as they showered her with compliments and offered her the hand of their sons in marriage. She found it amusing. Something that would have annoyed anyone else to no end and it only made Sindarel feel like laughing.

He loved that so much.

Eventually the bard began to play festive music and the party-goers gathered in the center of the main hall and danced, smiles upon their faces, cheeks rosy red with joy. As he watched Dorian drag Cullen out onto the floor for a lively trot, he wondered what it would feel like to move that way himself. It seemed overly complicated and a bit embarrassing, but the others were having so much fun that he lamented being unable to try it.

By the third song Varric had joined him in watching the others, a wily grin on his face as he propositioned the blond boy.

"Why don't you go try it out for yourself? Who knows, you might actually enjoy it."

"I can't." Cole was quick to disagree, "Only important people dance."

The dwarf seemed confused, but asked his friend to explain before arguing against him.

"People high up like to dance so the people who are lower can watch them at this sort of party."

"Is there another sort of party?"

"Yes. If you have a party with your friends, anyone can dance. No one feels like they don't belong."

The dwarf let out a low chuckle and shook his head.

"That was surprisingly deep, kid. Maybe I'll throw you that sort of party one day."

He was gone before Cole could ask him not to go through the trouble and the boy found that he was alone again, with nothing to do besides lean against the banquet table behind him and watch the others enjoy themselves. Like him, Sera and Iron Bull weren't dancing either. Like him, they too felt out of place. He had just begun to consider winding his way around the tables and across the hall to join them when Sindarel pushed through the dancers and nearly toppled into his arms.

"Cole!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hand, "I've been looking for you. Dance with me!"

She was speaking a bit louder than usual and he wondered if, perhaps, she had too much to drink. Before he could protest she pulled him into the throng and placed his right hand on her waist and took his left one into hers.

"Sindarel, I can't! I'm not one of the important ones."

Anyone else would have asked for an explanation at this point, in fact Varric already had. Sindarel, however, merely fixed Cole with a scowl and tugged him closer.

"To me, you're the most important person here."

He felt his heart shudder as a familiar warmth spread through him and she began to force him to twirl around, him following her lead instead of her following his. They were terrible at it, and this attracted quite a lot of attention, but before long Varric and Cassandra were dancing alongside them and Leliana and Iron Bull came soon after. Pretty soon every member of Sindarel's inner circle and each of her advisors were dancing in the middle of the hall, all besides Solas who had performed a disappearing act upon Corypheus's defeat. Blackwall had maintained that the elf would likely show up by morning, but Cole wasn't so sure. When he had raced up those ruined stairs after Sindarel, something about Solas had seemed different. However, as Sindarel began laughing at his footing, he found that he could not focus on anything else.

They had to sit through three courses of Orlesian food before Josephine allowed them to leave the party, and while the others wanted to go down to the tavern for one last drink, Sindarel rejected the invitation. She waited until they'd departed and then thrust her arms around Cole's middle, seeming to no longer care who was watching them

"Your hat's strange." she mumbled, her face pressed to his stomach. He wasn't quite sure how to react, what with the pressure of a hundred eyes on them.

"I like it."

She snorted and then, without warning, reached out to touch it.

"I know. You like strange things." she took in an unnecessarily large gulp of air and thrust her arms out above her head, "_I love that! I love everything you do_!"

He couldn't help it, she had made him laugh once again. Even so, Cole was certain the Inquisitor would regret her drunkenness in the morning so he half helped her walk and half carried her back to her chambers. Upon arriving he had hoped that she'd just stumble into bed and they could go to sleep as they usually did, but instead she hopped onto the sofa closest to the stairs and put her hands on his shoulders, forcing him turn and face her. Once they were at about an equivalent height she brought her lips crashing down on his, kissing him for the third time that night. Although he enjoyed it, he was still inexperienced and quite unsure of what exactly he was supposed to do with his mouth. He didn't have to worry for long, however, because she soon pulled away and merely clung to him instead.

"Cole, you're beautiful." she said drunkenly, and he smiled, "I love you."

"I love you." he repeated, both enjoying the sound of the words and wanting to return the gesture. Suddenly, the Inquisitor's expression became a very solemn one.

"Will you marry me." she asked him, but it didn't come out sounding like a question. Because she was out of it and he still didn't fully understand what exactly marriage entailed (besides what Dorian had told him of it), he agreed. Besides, neither of them would remember this particular exchange in the morning, Sindarel due to her lack of sobriety and Cole due to his misinterpretation of its importance.

"If that's what you want."

"You know," she began, already having moved past the previous topic, "You talk kinda different now. Is that part of the whole _human thing_ or what?"

He hadn't really considered it until then, but he had begun speaking less in riddles and more in natural sentences since it was decided that he'd be human. Cole tried to explain this to the Inquisitor, but she was too far gone to truly listen. Instead she used his shoulders to pivot herself back onto solid ground, slightly off balance but still graceful as only a Dalish elf can be.

"Things are gonna get hard after this. I don't know whether the others will stay or not," she said as she moved towards the balcony, suddenly introspective, "But you'll stay, right? I can deal with the rest if you're here."

He followed her out onto that stone platform beneath the darkened night sky, the remnants of the breach still visible in the distance. They'd gone through so much together, past and present, only to arrive here, staring at the one thing that had started it all.

"I will stay." he promised, taking her hand just in case she decided to try climbing over the barrier that held them back from a deathly high drop. She smiled at him, drunk and childish and naive, bright and beautiful and brave, and he was so thankful she had decided to love him.

Months ago, when he was still a spirit, he had asked Solas for the answer to an ageless question: What is love? He was human now, and he had learned the answer for himself. Cole had experienced confusion, reluctance, the most piercing of aches, but he had come out of it all to _this_: Her hand wrapped around his, his eyes watching her as she gazed into the starry heavens above, an undeniable feeling of warmth and safety and joy spreading slowly through every inch of his body-She was enough. She was everything.

_I am real. _This _is real._

* * *

><p><strong>AN- I can't believe I finally finished it! Sorry this took so long to upload guys, I needed to get a few things in order before I could mark this story as complete. Recently I've gotten a lot of reviews asking for a sequel to this and because I had a good idea for one, I've decided to start it. If you're into reading more about Cole and Sindarel, you can find their next adventure on my profile under the title _A Nightmare In Constellations_ (I'd link you but this website for some reason doesn't allow that). I've had an amazing time writing this and the support I got from you guys was why I could enjoy it the way I did. Thank you all so much. There's no way I can properly express my gratitude, I know that, but I hope you guys feel it anyway. Let's all toast our mutual love for Cole and keep him in our hearts for a long time to come :)**

~NiraKaulitz


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